Frankie Malloy

This is the story of Frankie Malloy.  He is 73 feet tall and lives in a large cardboard shoe in New Jersey.

He was born in New York City at the age of 12.  His mother and father were both midget trapeze artists in James Twicenightly’s traveling circus.  The circus was passing through New York City when Frankie’s mother, Wilhelmina, went into labor.  Sadly, the circus had a strict “No midget fraternization” policy, so they could never let James Twicenightly know about Frankie.  And so it was that Wilhelmina left little newborn Frankie at the foot of the Statue of Liberty, hoping some loving person would take him.  Unfortunately, no one ever did.

Little Frankie soon learned to fend for himself.  As he quickly grew taller, now 35 feet tall only 2 years after his birth, Frankie realized that he could eat the shiny things that drove around on the ground.  While he didn’t like the crunchy outer shell, he loved the chewy center.

What he didn’t realize, however, was that his shell-covered snacks were actually cars with people inside.  His meals were actually destroying families and killing people.  When the army became aware of his odd eating habits, they moved in to stop him, however when they realized that he was only a small child, they decided he could not be held responsible for what he had been doing.  They would have to move him somewhere else.

They built him a shoe entirely out of cardboard.  When they asked him where he wanted to live, he said he always wanted to live in a shoe, and he loved cardboard, so it seemed like a great idea.  They sent his shoe to his new home.  It was decided that he would move to New Jersey, where no one important lived anyway.

After he settled in, several scientists went to New Jersey to study Frankie and try to determine how he became so tall.  They deeded that since he thought the Statue of Liberty was his mother, he wanted to be just like her.

When his parents were found, they were surprised to see how tall he really was.  When Wilhelmina stands on her husband’s shoulders, they are collectively 27 inches tall.

When Frankie met his parents for the first time, they were in a helicopter at the top of his shoe.  Wilhelmina and Gepetto, Frankie’s father, both cried when they were reunited with their son.  Frankie also cried.  Due to his large size, much of New Jersey was flooded with Frankie’s tears.  Since most of New Jersey’s residents left the state due to the flood, it was closed permanently to let Frankie roam free.  The government decided to let Frankie eat all the cars left behind so they wouldn’t have to be cleaned up later.  Luckily for Frankie, he had a lot of big meals, and the entire state of New Jersey to himself.

When Wilhelmina and Gepetto were reunited with Frankie, they decided they never wanted to be away from him again, so they built a matching cardboard shoe to live in right next to Frankie’s.

When James Twicenightly found out about Frankie, he decided that the Malloy family would be an even better attraction than the Malloy Midgets alone, so he traveled to New Jersey to try to talk the Malloys into going back to the circus with him.

They all agreed that they would enjoy being in the circus as long as they could still keep their cardboard shoes to live in.  Thus the circus began traveling all over the world with giant cardboard footwear.

And they all lived happily until Frankie outgrew his giant cardboard shoe.  When he got to be 50 feet tall, he had to move into a giant boot.  They made the boot tall enough for him to grow to 150 feet tall, so it would fit for a long time to come.  When he got settled in his boot, he decided he would always love the circus life.  They all lived happily ever after in their giant cardboard footwear.

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